Happy, Happy Birthday, Buddha!

            Seoul is bursting with colors these two weeks as the city celebrates Buddha's birthday. Lanterns hang in single file down my street. It is nice to see the pink, red, green, yellow, and blue in the daylight, but sadly, they are left unlit at night.

            To further celebrate the Great One's birthday, Seoul put on a lantern festival. We missed the cheer rally, but we did make it to Jogyesa Temple near Insadong to see millions of lanterns. It was quite a sight! Reds, whites, oranges, blues, yellows, and pinks blocked out the sky and danced above us. Lanterns hung inside the temple surrounding the three Buddhas. Heart-shaped lanterns surrounded the cement Korean Buddha and rows upon rows of yellow and blue lanterns lay on tables to be given out for free to those who wanted to wait in line and carry them about the city.

            I was lazy, and we didn't wait in line. But previously, Matt and I had elbowed our way into a craft table and had made our own lotus lantern out of a paper cup and crepe paper (which was the envy of all the Waygooks). And we had already carried this lantern through Insadong, and the palace and Blue House neighborhoods.

            After exploring these areas and taking way too many photos of lanterns, we made our way back to Jonggak to claim our space to watch the parade. An hour and a half later the parade finally made it to Jonggak. It was quite impressive with the large amount of small lanterns and enormous detailed lanterns. But it was also kind of boring (we didn't know anyone in the parade).  So we made it through about two hours before our feet gave out and I had had it with the ajuma trying to set fire for hundreds of people with her stupid lanterns. So we left and got a drink at "Ho Bar." When we came out of Ho Bar, the parade was still going! But we left any way and spent the rest of the night nursing our tired feet.

  No new sightings of possible stocker... the hair must have came from something else. Matt made cracks about my being a 90s child because of my elaborate and creative booby traps that Maccaulay Culkin would be proud of. But I still jump and go running for a weapon every time someone slides an advert on my door or anytime the neighbors start screaming at each other.

            The students I had previously written about have given me a nickname. Apparently, it is Halmeoni, meaning Grandmother. Because my name is "Calmenie" it rhymes with "Halmeoni." I told them to change it and taught them the "Karma Chameleon." I don't mind being Karma or Chameleon as long as I am not Grandma! 

            Trying to get a student to say "Speaking. Who is calling, please" was quite the comedic moment. I'd say "Repeat after me, 'speaking.'" And the student would look at me and wait for me to say the phrase. And I said "no you say, 'speaking'" and the student asked "Teacher, speaking what!?!" Finally I had to drop the "speaking" portion of the phrase and I fell into a giggling mass onto a table... which then decided to turn over and land on my leg.

             

A Native Teacher's conversation with three of her students

"CARLRLRLRLRLRMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNAAAAAAA!" Scream from across the playground.  Carmen Teacher stops to wait as three girls come running at her, pony tails flapping behind them, "Calmena, Calmena." One girl screeches as they reach their teacher.

One girl, Sarab, hits the chanting girl, Hyun Su, "Ya!" (Roughly translated to "hey you!") "Calmena Teacher."

Hyun Su: Sorry, Carmen Teacher, sorry. Teacher, sit down pleasuh.

Carmen Teacher (after allowing herself to be pulled down to the grass): How are you?

Hyun Su: Oh Teacher, I ANGRY! (The other girls nod in agreement.)

Carmen Teacher: Why are you angry?

Sarab: Oh Teacher! (large sigh) Today, oh today (really animated and excited), we go to Everlandah!  (amusement park) But Teacher! It rained!

Carmen Teacher: Oh no! That's too bad!

Sumin (the quiet one) points to her shoes and makes motions of being cold: Teacher! Teacher! Rainy! Shoezuh! Cold!

All girls scream with frustration and excitement from the day.

Carmen Teacher: Your shoes got wet and you were cold?

Sumin: Yes Teacher! Cold!

Hyun Su: Teacher! I angry! We no ride roller coaster! We no ride ummm...fun? We no Haunted Mansion! Rain! And Thunder! Why, Teacher, WHY!?!

Sarab: Calmen Teacher! We Haunted Mansion went, but Sooooooooo many people! Line (throwing arms wide).

Carmen Teacher: The line was long.

Sarab: Yessuh! Carmen Teacher, today we happy! Today we go to Everland and then it rain! dtk dtk dtk (rain sound) and then thunder kukuku (thunder sound) and we (making motions of brushing off water--Carmen Teacher cuts in "were wet") no (strange motion--Carmen says "umbrella") Yessuh! And no raincoat! WE angry! Then we eat lunchee at two thirty o'clock...

Sumin hits Sarab: Ya! [Korean Korean Korean Korean] two thirty o'clock no! two thirty, Crazy.

Sarab: Sorry Teacher, two thirty, we eat lunchee. Three o'clock we all meet. Rain stop. But we three O'clock meet, but we go home.

Collective scream of anger.

Carmen Teacher: Oh that is too bad. I am sorry it rained. And now it is sunny. But you did not have to study today.

Hyun Su: But Teacher, I angry. Ok Teacher, you go now. Bye bye!

They all force Carmen Teacher up and push her on her way home. 

"But I don't want to go among mad people" ~Lewis Carroll "Through the Looking Glass"

            If Lewis Carroll were to rise from the dead and come to Korea, he would surely think that someone had created a nation based on his books. Some days, it feels like I tripped and fell through a rabbit hole at some point in time. While nothing is strange, every thing is outlandish. It's like I am Alice at the Mad Hatter's tea party (like having sugared garlic bread and cookies with coffee or eating anchovies with honey and peanuts) or standing next to Tweedledum and Tweedledee.  For instance, upon asking my co-teacher if she attended grad school the night before she replied, "Yes, I got much sleep." I have no idea if she misunderstood me or if she sleeps through graduate school. Signs in the school sport slogans such as "Less speed, more haste."

            Many students call me beautiful because of my blue eyes or red hair or pale skin. But sometimes the residents of Wonderland tell me I am ugly because I look different --because I don't wear bibicream and my freckles show, or because my face is animated.

            Most of the time  I have no idea which direction I am going or what is going on. What I do learn seems to be misinformation or riddles. And like Alice, I follow and listen and never seem to follow my own advice.

            If Korea doesn't reside in the recesses of Lewis Carroll's mind (you are still picturing zombie Carroll aren't you), then perhaps Korea is the Stepford Wives  taken to a whole nation and every family. Perhaps it is the fact that the surface resembled a Stepford Wife similarity and smoothness--as if everyone is a robot in a high-tech 1950s world and when a robot malfunctions it is quite noticeable--but only the non-robots notice it.

            No one seemed to notice when a man calmly walked up to an overweight woman, stuck his head between her breasts and motor boated her and then walked away as calmly as you please--no one that is, except the victim and myself, which we stood transfixed in horror.

            No one pays attention to other people. A man throws his hand out with a cigarette between his fingers, headless of a passerby who might not like to have embers in her eye. A driver will park their in the middle of the lane and walk off to visit with friends, ignoring the line of cars waiting for the parked car to move (which still running).  And when a bicycle rider will not stop his slow-moving bike or turn the bicycle to the large amount of free space, but will instead, ride right into a person and then after the person manages to untangle herself from the bike, the rider falls over the bike. Only then will a bystander calmly say "strangee" and walk away.

            While this may sound depressing, it isn't. It is truly annoying, but at the same time great fodder for blogs and stories. I am gladly compiling incidents to make my own story. Speaking of story, found out today that Anne of Green Gables is quite famous in Korea. She is known not as Anne, but as "the red girl." I don't think the Koreans really like her, as they wouldn't dare call her the "the red girl"-- must be the freckles. They also are fans of Pippi Longstockings (Known as "Pibi") and Thumbelina (known by a Korean name).

            In other news, received some children's English/Korean dictionaries (the kind that has a whole definition, not just the Korean word). I jokingly suggested we can punish the students by making them rewrite a page from the dictionary. My co-teacher said it would be too harsh a punishment. Two  hours later, she shoved a dictionary under some boy's nose and had him rewrite three pages from the dictionary and then made him recite it to her.

            And in case you don't know who Anne is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OLOl_qPLWc