Going to FUK-uoka

Japanese Garden in Ohori Park

Woke up at four in the morning to have Matt drive me to Incheon Airport. Shuffled between various check-in lines, security, only to have some orange haired, leopard –print legging clad middle-aged Korean ladies cut in front of me at the passport check. Being impatient, they quickly switched lines. I waved at them through border control, while they were stuck behind an old man fumbling for his passport.

Arrived in Fukuoka a bit late, thanks to the plane being delayed, and got stuck behind a group of elderly Korean tourists, identified by their insistence on wearing expensive hiking gear no matter where they go, who couldn’t figure out how to fill out the arrival slips. I race down the stairs to customs, only to be interrogated. Why did I have only one bag? Why am I only staying for three days? He then politely emptied out the contents of my bag, not bothering to search through my official documents, underwear bag, or computer bag (the place people would smuggle if they were to smuggle).  

Hop on the shuttle bus to the domestic terminal and was utterly confused as to why it kept switching driving sides. Lulled to sleep by the gentle rocking of the subway, I woke to the announcement of “This station, UglyBoy!” spelled “Ohorikoen.” My stop was next. Got off at Tojinmachi, raced around the underground maze to Exit 1, up what felt like one hundred steps, and zipped down the road.

The Korean Embassy was easy enough to find, but the guard wouldn’t let me in without a phone number. I tried several numbers, he finally grudgingly allowed the local hotel number. I still haven’t a clue as to what he was actually wanting. Finally allowed just before the cut-off time, and set to the odious task of filling out the E2 visa form.

After paying and given my receipt, I limp out of the embassy in search of food and plasters for my heels. Gave up looking for food, and ducked into the first shrine I came across. Several people came up and asked if they could take my photo, which I politely declined, as I was unable to get the camera settings adjusted just right. Learned to pray like a Buddhist at Jomanji Temple, which turned out to be a giant sand zen garden. After the short tutorial, I was left to gratefully sink onto the cushion on the floor for a rest.

Hunger finally won over, I continued down the road until I found a café advertising a six dollar lunch set. Dived into the crowded café, where the waitress didn’t moan and groan about having to talk to a foreigner, but actually came over, smiled, and managed to tell me how to order and where to get drinks, even though she didn’t speak any English. It was a painless experience. I ate my strange meal of Japanese meatloaf patty, tempura tofu, plain white rice, and shredded cabbage.

Stopped in a McDonalds for wifi, but had to be satisfied with staring at a “small” Sumo Wrestler eating his four Big Mac meals as he stared at me sipping coffee. I really wanted to take a photo, but I just cannot bring myself to be THAT person… though, I really wanted to be.

Went in search of the hotel, hoping for some wifi there. I wandered around a bit, trying to follow the crappy hotel directions my boss had given me, when I found a tourist desk. She easily directed me to the hotel, and I went up to the lobby. Unfortunately, my boss had neglected to notice that the reservation was unpaid, so I had to pay. My jaw dropping a bit at the price. I was especially enraged when I opened the door to my room.

The room was stuffy, smelled of stale cigarettes, there were burns in the carpets, the walls were yellow, and everything had a thick layer of dirt and grime. Even the pajama shirt they had laid out was looking pretty bad. I returned to the desk to figure out the wifi password to be told the only wifi was in the form of a thumb drive device, which downloaded strange malware onto my computer and prevented most of my aps from opening.

Too sick really to care much, I passed out on the dirty bed to awake in the dark. I decided to go in search of food, finding a McDonalds to relax in. Headed back to the hotel and passed out again.

The next morning I woke early, plastered my feet, and headed to Starbucks. The air was crisp with fall, the shopping centers decorated for Christmas. Surrounded by well-dressed, considerate people and with a belly full of coffee, the negativity of the previous day fled and adventure won over.

Headed to Ugly Boy once again. This time I got out and walked around the castle ruins. The sky was so blue, but a storm was building, so I rushed through the park to the castle, feeling excited. Snapped pictures every so often. Stopped to watch a girl agonizing over her tripod and rush to pose for the photo in a typical Asian style. Climbed to the top of the ruins, meeting a group of Japanese tourists who took my picture and gave me plenty of room to admire the view. Coming down, I climbed over some of the larger rocks, feeling like Indiana Jones in the city.

Finally decided I had spent enough time at the castle and wandered back through the park, waving at the Asian model who was now wearing pink instead of red—where she changed, I have no idea. Walked past the tourist information center and the men in “traditional” soldier outfits only to be nearly run over by a baseball team running its laps.

Head back to another part of town to see the Giant Wooden Buddha (everyone claims to have a giant Buddha). Somehow find it, only to be disappointed about the not being able to take photos, as if that somehow diminishes its splendor. Shoot some photos of the pagoda and move on down an alley of nice apartments and villa-like houses.

Enter into a promising looking temple, where even the grounds’ workers smile and say hello. Follow a kitten up to the grave site, to find two old women feeding kittens. One woman starts speaking to me in perfect English, handing me a kitten. Apparently, she comes every day to feed and pay attention to the cats. Too used to being scammed in other countries, I pet the cat, with one eye on my belongings, and make a quick exit. However, I think they were quite genuine.

Spent the next morning walking around Ohori Park and the Japanese garden, before collecting my passport and visa. Spent the next few hours in McDonalds playing computer games while the rain poured down. The calm of the trip died as soon as I reached the airport and was surrounded by non-Japanese. 

Playing Uno, the Korean Way

 Seems like all I’m being paid for is to watch the kids play Halli Galli, Go Fish, and Uno. Like any game, each person has a different way to play, but these kids take it to a whole new level when it comes to Uno.

First, don’t shuffle the deck… who cares if you’ll get all yellows. If you are young, go through the deck and find all of the good cards and give those to your friends (if your teacher is playing, give her all terrible cards). Step two, deal five cards, not seven. Dealing here is giving five cards to one player, then the next, not dealing one card at a time to each player (the cards really never get mixed).

Play “rock, paper, scissors” for five minutes to see who goes first (there will be some confusion as to whether to say it in Korean or in English. Also, they will argue over someone not making a clear selection or waiting until seeing what everyone else has chosen. This means they will start over. Finally, when the first player is chosen, he or she may then choose the order… however some students will complicate things and try to continue “rock, paper, scissors” to find the exact order (similar to a star), meaning they’ll never remember the complicated pattern they’ve just created, because they can never remember the order, no matter if it is counterclockwise or clockwise.

Now that almost fifteen minutes has passed, the game can begin. But first, you show your good cards to everyone (some students will actually lay their cards face up on the desk). The dealer turns a card over—let’s say it’s a green three—here is when it gets tricky. Anything goes. If the player doesn’t have a three, wild, or green card, he/she will put down any card. If the students are feeling cranky, they will call the player on this, if not play will continue on that card. Some students will put down all of their cards of the same color… all of them. Some students may put down all of their same number cards. Another thing that could happen is, let’s say a red two is played, a student will put down a yellow six followed by a red six because they want to keep the red theme.

When a special card, such as reverse gets played, you can ignore it, or play a skip card to cancel out the reverse. If more than one reverse card is played at once, get super confused by the order. If there are three reverse cards played, argue for three minutes on the direction. Skip cards, as mentioned before can cancel things out, such as reverse and plus cards, however, not another skip card. Skip cards can also be ignored.

Plus cards can be built up (each player places a plus card on top of the last). If a draw four wild card is placed, ignore the color completely and place a draw two card on top, then choose the color, after everyone yells at you for not choosing a color.

They’ve added another rule, that the person who doesn’t shout “uno” first, must draw a card. This means, that when a player is down to two cards, there is a standoff on who is going to say it first, this could take up to a minute. If the person with one card says “uno,” first, the other players must take one card each.

Not only are the “rules” completely impossible to follow, the students don’t seem to grasp the strategy of the game. They will miss obvious plays, drawing more cards while they have at least three cards they could have played. This means, I win every time I play with them and that includes playing with official rules while everyone else plays their way. Ok, so I loose when they play drop every card of the same color… but any other time, I win.

Have fun if you are going to play the Korean way. Don’t forget to check your phone every few minutes. Especially if it is near your turn, you have to make everyone wait for you.  If you have fringe, you must flatten it and check yourself in some sort of reflective surface before your play. Oh, and scream at the top of your lungs at every possible moment. Boys are not excluded from any of these activities.  Oh and never, ever, ever dream about playing Uno with a deck of cards other than Uno cards! It is sacrilegious. 

Health Check

Every year, I have to go for the required government health check. It usually takes half an hour; it’s degrading, but mostly painless. This was the first year doing it without anyone’s help.

We wake up to a dreary, rainy morning and drive the 45 minutes to the bigger hospital in Seosan. Enter the hospital through the underground parking garage. The basement houses a GS 25 convenient store and an overpriced kimbap restaurant. One thing to mention about Asia, there aren’t any cafeterias in hospitals, so all able-bodied patients go outside of the hospital for food. That being said, I still flinch every time I see patients of all ages sitting in wheel chairs with IVs attached scarfing down instant ramen noodles and a coke at the 7 Eleven.

                                                                                                                                 

Once on the main floor, nothing is in English or our level of Korean. The information desk is empty, so I attempt to find out if I pay first and where the health check office is. No one speaks English. Call the boss (from the phone they had lent us for such an occasion), but no answer, it’s too early. Finally get the translator on the phone to work properly, but even that isn’t coherent enough. They keep asking “where have sick?” Fasting, along with the early morning, is wearing on the nerves and I’m on the verge of mania.

Finally, someone seems to understand and says, “two floor,” while holding up three fingers. Go up to the 3^rd floor to be directed to another area. Then go through the whole rigmarole again before someone understands the translation and gets a form. That takes 45 minutes in all. We sit there, nearly passing out, before they call me. First, they test the blood pressure, which is surprisingly normal, and then they check for color blindness (pinks and browns are getting harder to distinguish these days). I’m made to wait as some older lady comes demanding attention. I stand, in the middle of the room, waiting for a nurse.

She comes to whisk me off to check my chest size (why?), height, and weight. A serious explanation of how the hearing test works lasts several minutes, and I’m a bit apprehensive as it starts. But I hear the sound in the left ear and then the right ear and let it be known correctly. Then it is over—it was a three-second test. I struggle to distinguish the English letters on the eye chart as my head is spinning from blinking florescent lights, caffeine deprivation, and low blood sugar. I don’t even think of the fact that Koreans cannot even pronounce most of the letters on the chart.

Now it is time for the blood test. This is always the worst part. Usually, one can find my vein and the nurse rolls the needle around, or randomly pokes until she finds something, only to go for my hand. This time, I try to suggest that the vein in my hand is better, but the tourniquet goes on, the phlebotomist flicks my arm a couple of times and sticks the needle in—no pain. I sit there in a mixture of hunger and disbelief, forgetting the usual need to pass out.

Out comes the needle and I’m given an alcohol-soaked gauze and taken to the bathroom to give a urine sample. I am mid squat, thanking my lucky stars that I’m not  in danger of passing out in the squat toilet, when blood starts dripping from the gauze. I quickly finish my task, wrap some toilet paper around my arm and duck out of the stall to run into the next patient, who turns green looking at my arm. I wash up, grab some towels, and am bustled away to the x-ray lab before I can ask for a bandage, as the other patient notifies the phlebotomist that I’m gushing blood. Suddenly I’m surrounded by patients and nurses as they attempt to put a tiny bandage on the bloody arm, each spouting advice in Korean, while an older man sitting next to me starts doing those reverse arm presses off of the chair. My wound is clotting by the time they get my arm clean and the bandage on. I look around and notice I am the only patient in there not doing some sort of “exercise.”

The x-ray technician calls my name and asks me to take off my bra and put my shirt back on again. I come out in my tank top, but she makes me put on my sweater too. The x-ray takes two seconds, and I have to get dressed. The nurse checks my arm and with a satisfactory nod, leads me passed more reverse arm presses, to the doctor’s office. The doctor starts speaking Korean to me and I say, “no.” He curses in Korean and sits in silence. I look at him, “I’m hungry. May I go?”

He sighs and asks, “Where are you from?”  “America.”

“South America?”  “USA”   “Ah, USA, ok, ok, ok. North.” I nod.

“You ummmmm surgery?”  “No.” silence while he marks something on the chart.

Tobacco?” “No.” “Drinking?” “No” “Driving?” “Yes?” Salience as he thinks about how to say the next thing in English. He shakes his head and marks things down on the chart, “Nice to meet you, bye bye, see you next time.” He chants like a school boy. “Umm yeah, nice to meet you.”

We pay and eat kimbap in the hospital basement.

Back in the ROK

Took a three-month hiatus from blogging while Matt and I visited Idaho. We had big plans to see and do many things, but between family obligations and so many activities in my home area, we didn’t get around to as much as we had hoped. If you’re interested in our adventures, you can read his blog: http://lametayel.tumblr.com/ 

After almost a year of searching through terribly paying jobs, obviously crazy bosses, and impossible employment standards (no Americans here, no Brits there, no males anywhere), we had a couple of promising job offers in the dreaded hagwon (private afterschool academies) setting in South Korea. We were lured into a school owned by a Canadian who has owned an academy in S.K. for quite some time now. Three weeks after accepting the job, we are now in Chungcheongnam-do, a rural province south of Seoul.

View from old town towards our apartment complex.

We arrived a week ago Saturday night. Our bosses, a married couple, picked us up at the airport and drove us the one and half hours (or would have been if they hadn’t got lost) to our new home. They quickly showed our exhausted selves around the apartment before promising to collect us the next afternoon.

Our apartment is a spacious three-bedroom, two bathroom epitome of South Korean culture. Accessing the building is quite difficult. First, you have to go through a blind intersection, in which cars park in the middle (in order grab a bite at the convenient store). Then you have to choose which parking lot or garage you want to park in and carefully back into a spot, or if you are Korean, just park any old place and block four spaces. If you are of normal weight, you’ll have to crawl through the trunk of your car to get out of the vehicle.

Now you can squeeze between or crawl over parked cars to get to the doors of the apartment building, using a key card to enter. If it is windy, you have to physically wrench the automatic sliding door open and closed again. You wait for the single elevator that services the 18-story building and protect your nose from the kimchi smell until the 11^th floor. Another keycard (we have three key cards together for this place) will let you into the apartment.

There are four closets on either side as you enter the apartment, however none have tension rods in them to hang up coats. After the closets, you have a handy switch to switch off your gas or all of the lights in the apartment (except for the lights in the living room), then you have four switches to control various lights in the bathroom and entry.

There is a bathroom to the right, which has an actual tub with a shower, but no shower curtain rod. If you go straight instead of going into the bathroom, you will end up in a bedroom (empty save a fold-up cot and a tennis racket) and a glassed-in balcony that runs the length of the apartment.

If you turn left from the entry, you will be in the kitchen/living room area. We have a couch and a 32-inch TV. Black and cream tiled gives a feature wall. The kitchen has a full sized refrigerator, a cupboard for a kimchi fridge, a four burner hob, a gas oven, a vegetable washer, a cloth sterilizer, and a dishwasher. Next to the kitchen is a room that houses the washer and a water spout for cleaning.

If you go through the living room, there are two more bedrooms (one has its own separate balcony). One is the master suite, consisting of a complicated lighting system. Our ensuite closet and bathroom is equally annoying with a strange motion sensored light that seems to only detect ghosts. Our master bath has a heated toilet seat with so many buttons for various streams of water, that is it quite terrifying.

At least Koreans but a tarp between the ground and their soybeans.

So what besides the kimchi fridge screams Korea? There are two intercoms to open the downstairs door and the apartment door which are conveniently located right next to each other and three steps from the apartment door. The washer is off the kitchen, but the drying rack is in the master bedroom. There are several sterilizers, but everybody dries their food on the street. Not to mention the tiles, wall paper, as well as wall outlets, are crooked, and the paint is chipping but the light fixtures have crazy amount of detail that can only be seen when the light is just right in the early afternoon. Oh, and there is a big plastic cover in the middle of the living room’s wood floor that has “AIR CON” in big letters. It’s Korea in a nutshell.

On Sunday, we were taken to the school to get a crash course on the classes we were to teach the following day. By crash course, I mean: “here is your schedule, here are the previous teachers’ notes, I think your books are here, you’ll teach from 3:20 to 10 tomorrow, make sure they have more fun than learning.” After this half hour “orientation,” they whisked us off to Lotte Mart to get our groceries. I hate shopping with people, even though they were trying to be helpful, you could tell that the guy was not having the most fun following us around. By the time we got back, jet lag had hit us and we were lucky to get the groceries put away.

No time during the week to do anything but work and sleep. We’re teaching between eight and nine, forty-five minute classes a day. More on school in a future blog post, after I’ve been there for a bit. However, I can tell you that it is clear no one has any clue what is going on at that school, considering the teachers weren’t even correct in noting the pages covered, let alone the books used. We’re quite excited for this new adventure. 

Final Countdown

Down to just a few hours in Taiwan.  Last couple of weeks have been fairly stressful with the boss changing our schedules five minutes before class. In the end, we just planned generic lessons and went with it. I had to tell students goodbye 18 times, because I never knew which would be the last class—chaotic for everyone.  Some students cried and some were kind enough to make me gifts.  

To add to the stress, Matt was hit by four cars in a matter of two hours. He was ok, just bruised and angry.  He was hit twice in Taichung in front of a police officer, who did nothing because, apparently in Taiwanese culture, if you move after an accident you’re ok, so in order to get a police officer to pay attention, you must sit down in the middle of traffic and not move—yeah that sounds like a brilliant idea.

We made it to Hemei, to food, and almost home when a car headed straight for Matt. It was so bizarre how every single vehicle was trying to run us over. The next day was nearly as bad, as Matt saw several accidents on his way to work and I saw one on my way home. 

Thursday went with the boss to the tax office. Met him at eight thirty in the morning in front of the school (who knows the last time we were out of the apartment that early) and drove right by our place on our way to a “short cut” that took 45 minutes for a normally 15 minute drive.  After discussing Matt’s injuries from the “car accidents,” G made a left turn in front of oncoming traffic which was blocking said short cut. We were in the middle of three lanes as a tanker came barreling towards us, narrowly missing the car, G kept his smiling countenance.

Finally made it to Changhua, only to park on the side of a busy road and wait for several minutes until it was made clear that we were waiting for the accountant. The accountant appeared across the street, wearing a purple shirt dress with some sort of cat on it and some pink shorts. She carried a manila envelope. G hopped out of the car, crossed the busy street and spoke with her for a few seconds as he checked over documents. Then the deal was done.

After the shady encounter with the accountant, we went to the tax office, which smelled and looked like an Asian hospital. The only difference really, was that the employees were wearing t-shirts and jeans of the most informal kind, some were just one step up from pjs. We filled out our forms and went to the ground floor where I realized my blouse had come unbuttoned and I was walking with my bra hanging out. I rushed to cover myself and failed to notice that G , typically Taiwanese, hadn’t held the door open, so I walked into the door. Drove past our apartment on our way to the school where we were let out.

Saturday, our last full day, started with a visit from the landlord. I had spent the entire week cleaning and gathering up our possessions. The landlord walked in and started complaining that he couldn’t possibly give us our money because how could he see from the “clutter” and we had better get that stuff (one pile of our luggage) out of the apartment. He then tried to knock off my lap top and overcharge us on the rent and then claimed we had stolen a magnetic fob from the spare key (which we had to have made because he wouldn’t give us spare keys). We did get our deposit back and a dirty floor to boot.

G kindly took us to the new teachers’ apartments to help unload their new furniture. G made sure all of their stuff was out of the car and drove off, leaving Matt and I to walk back home across town. Cooled off and then met with a couple of co-teachers for a farewell dinner in Taichung. Watched as bats flew out of the neighbor’s roof, like mice coming from a crack, and started devouring insects in the sunlight. 

Flea Circus

Came back from Dragon Boat Festival to find out that the teacher who had been here for only three months had gone.  Three weeks of G covering the lessons until the new replacements arrived on the 20th. As part of their training, they have to observe several classes.  The have only observed one of my classes. It is a class of 15 kids ranging in age between eight to eleven, who after being in school all day, have finally snapped.

I introduced the new teachers and encouraged the students to ask them questions. They asked the normal “How old are you?” “Where are you from?”  and they laughed at Minnesota, thinking it was “little soda.” During the questioning, one student randomly started meowing, followed by another cat, and a monkey. Joseph, the smartass of the class, asked in a high pitched, baby voice “Do you speak English” followed by a maniacal laugh. Completely ridiculous, especially paired with the looks on the new teachers’ faces.

At the end of the training week, one of the new teachers had to teach while I observed. It is a class of eight, six to nine year olds; a challenging class with moody twins and a hyper active six year old. The new teacher messed up and started to panic slightly. The six year old, feeling the rise in tension, stood up in his chair and started singing at the top of his lungs. Each class he takes the opportunity to stretch out his diaphragm, but this was particularly loud. The new teacher stood in shock as seven children ran to subdue the six year old, and the six year old started backhanding the students as he sang his finale. Stacy and I sat back in amusement.

One of my classes includes the aforementioned hula dancing kid, who has since developed a multi-personality disorder. When he takes off his glasses, he is no longer Angus, but his twin brother, Ongus.  The barking kid has calmed down a bit, but he still pants. That class also has a loud child who claims he likes to eat babies… I am a bit worried.  

The “gay” class is still at it, but is now including heterosexual relationships after they claimed I was gay and I said “No, I like boys.” and then had to hastily explain that I meant boys over the age of twenty. One boy offered to hook me up with his eighteen year old cousin and a girl offered to set me up with her dad. I should mention this is the class that draws pictures of me surrounded by ghosts, or me throwing grenades at students.

I will be curious to know how the new teachers handle these classes. I hope they don’t try to stifle their creativity and weirdness. These kids are the only redeeming feature of Hemei, let alone the school.

In other news, summer is here. Temperatures are between 31-43 degrees Celsius. The air conditioners only seem to be able to get the rooms down to 28 degrees. Despite the heat, we’re still walking around Taichung and Hemei. This heat is just plain useless without water to swim in.

Erecting an Egg?

Once upon a time there was an advisor named Qu Yuan who told the emperor to quit being such a greedy liar. The emperor didn’t take kindly to the advice and banished the advisor. Qu Yuan spent his days of exile writing poetry (because being a poet somehow makes you important in China). One day, a warring kingdom overtook the greedy, lying, emperor’s kingdom. The advisor was so sad that he threw himself into the river. 

One night, Qu Yuan came to a neighbor in a dream and complained that the fish were eating his body, why not throw some rice into the water to distract the fish. Well, rice brought more fish, which attracted bigger fish. The advisor came again and suggested that the village make sticky rice wrapped it in bamboo leaves, that way it would last longer. So the villagers sacrificed their meagre food for a corpse and threw these rice dumplings into the river. But this just attracted more fish.

Desperate to save his rotting corpse, Qu Yuan came again and suggested that the village make a boat shaped like a dragon, because everyone knows that fish are scared of dragons. So the villagers made a dragon boat, put a drum into the boat, and went about the river making a racket and scared the fish away. Presumably, because the fish got scared away—for an entire year, I might add—the villagers had nothing to eat, so they were forced to eat the rice dumplings.  Now every year, across China and Taiwan, they race boats shaped like Dragons and beat gongs or drums and make one hell of a splashing racket.

Other traditions to do during this holiday are putting out special plants to ward off ghosts and bugs, wearing a perfumed satchel made to look like the dumplings, and balancing a raw egg for good luck  (or as our school says: erecting an egg).

I get a three day weekend. The boss suggested a trip to Lukang, but the river is ugly and a teenage student told me there was nothing to do there during the festival but wade through people. Decided to go south back to Tainan, instead. Caught up with a friend from Korea, who has recently moved a bit north of Tainan. Got a room in a love motel for a whopping thirty dollars per night inclusive of a round bed, a clean bathroom stocked with one towel, a razor, toothbrushes, and a comb, not to mention the complimentary condom.

Woke up terribly early on Sunday to go to Guanziling, a famous hot spring resort up in the mountains. Judging by the one-lane road and debris littering the river below, we were just a couple of days shy of a mud slide. The town is built on the side of the mountain, the only safe pedestrian route is the historical “Hero’s Path,” aka 300 steps of hell.  I am no hero, I rode the bus to the top and walked up ten stairs for a photo op.

We wandered up a path to get a good jungle photo, but stumbled onto private property. The owner shared some of his bayberries with us (don’t worry, these are the edible kind).  We arrived at the outdoor spa covered in red juice from the berries, but they allowed us in anyway.

Enjoyed the mud and various other types of pools, but avoided the sauna, figuring we had already sweated enough for one day. Broke for lunch, eating local boar something or other and some noodles. For desert, we shared an expensive coffee from the famous Dongshan coffee plantations. Relaxed for a couple of hours in the spa, before heading back to Xinying.

Arrived at the bar in Xinying and ordered drinks, only to be told that the owner, Shou-ting  (aka Sue), was taking us and the bar tender to the night market. Desperately tried to down our beers, but Sue promised that someone would put the beers in the fridge. We wandered with our local guides through a typical night market of greasy food, strange clothes, and mountains of hair accessories.  When we got back to the bar, our drinks were still on the table, hot and flat.

Slept in a bit longer on Monday before catching the train an hour south to Tainan. The bus to the historical district took nearly as long as the train and the heat was excruciating. But we still wandered through the historical markets and sampled Asia’s version corn dogs. Watched the dragon boat race through a sea of umbrellas.  Gave up and decided to beat the crowd to the train station so we could have a seat for half of the journey, stood near the bathroom for the other half.

It was a well-deserved relaxing break! 

Funny Farm

Another long gap between blog posts. I blame the computer. It seems that, not only are certain keys on my keyboard not working, but the USB drivers like to randomly eject things plugged into the USB. Rather annoying when attempting to type or transfer files onto the external drive.  Anyway, I’ve been told I must, must, must quit procrastinating and just fight with the cranky computer to produce a blog post.

Sometime after Koahsiung, we finally made it the two stops past Taichung, to the Houli horse farm and bicycle path. Got off the bus at the “Horse Farm” stop, only to see large nameless buildings, presumably belonging to the military base. We walked uphill past the guards and found the tired looking horse farm. Reviews had said it was a bustling farm full of picnic areas, food stalls, and horses. It looked like a run-down military base with some cartoon statues, and a few horses thrown in. The horses were well taken care of, except for their desperate need of salt and reprieve from the flies. We excitedly paid the extortionate amount to ride the horses in a warn track around and around and around. The horses refused to accept that we had paid for some fun, not moody horses.

Quite disappointed, we followed the many signs promising coffee, only to wind up in a village a mile down the road, the only hint of coffee was another cup of coffee with an arrow pointing the direction. We turned around and headed back to the bus stop. However, there wasn’t a bus stop on the opposite side of the road. So we wandered back towards Fengyuan, where we came across a betel nut vendor selling coffee and waffles. She led us to a nice, wooden patio with umbrellas and lawn furniture.

Caught a bus back to Fengyuan, noticed a Time Crisis 2 arcade game in the window of an arcade gambling room, and watched Matt play a game or two. Afterwards, enjoyed pork cutlet at a mall food court before heading back to Hemei.

Another weekend headed back to Taichung to scout out a big red man we had seen perched on top a temple.  We easily found him, but the dreary day made it hard to enjoy what we had hoped would be a good photo shoot.

Rainy season has started. Luckily, it seems to be one day black and gray, the next day blue sky and rainless.  The temperature is up to 90s with 95% humidity. It feels like a wet blanket. I’m hating the constant damp and dark.

The kids are feeling it too and have become crazy. The barking kid is getting a bit yippier, the hula dancing musician is getting a bit more “May-gic”-al, the karate kid is getting a tad bit kickier, a class has discovered the word “gay,” so now everyone is gay. A fight breaks out in almost every class now, but I’m able to silence it in one look, making at least one student cry. I feel powerful. 

Kaohsiung

Parade

Had a three day weekend at the end of February and decided to take the opportunity to see more of the island. Heading down south to Kaohsiung, took the afternoon train, arriving at night. Directions given to us were straight from a beginners’ English book:

“When you exit the Kaiyuan MRT station, turn right and walk a couple of blocks. Turn left, and walk one block, then turn right and walk until you see the hostel on your right hand side.”

Google Maps didn’t give any sound advice either, so we thought we’d just wing it. When we got to Kaiyuan Station, there were several exits. We took the one suggested by Google. We walked and walked and walked and found a huge night market (turned out to be the most famous night market in Kaohsiung). Decided to turn around and try a different direction, but couldn’t decipher what was considered “a block.”

An older man saw our confusion, took us into his house, and allowed us to use the phone. The hostel owner agreed to pick us up at Dream Mall—South East Asia’s biggest mall, supposedly. We were surprised to find an American behind the wheel and mentioned that perhaps, since he speaks English and all, should add some nouns and adjectives to the directions, such as “walk towards the GIANT FERRIS WHEEL of Dream Mall!”

After getting settled into the hostel we set out trying to find food and had to walk back to the night market, over a mile away. Ate pizza and enjoyed ice cream served in plastic pink toilet bowls. Crashed when we got back, only to be awoken by a swarm of mosquitoes that had been feasting on Matt. To the hostel owner’s credit, he went out to get us mosquito repellent and coils, but his dogs had separation issues and howled throughout the night.

Got up the next morning and hit Mr. Donut at Dream Mall then to Lotus Pond, which can only be described as a temple theme park. Gaudy rules here. But it is a nice few miles’ walk around the pond. We stopped for lunch at a pizza place where we ate duck pizza and for desert, chocolate banana pizza topped with cheese (imagine our surprise). Headed to Dream Mall for some pork cutlet where we were surrounded by people wearing plastic gloves while eating whole chickens or ham hocks. Later ventured up to try out the Dream Mall Ferris Wheel, which is really small and expensive so instead took photos with a random Teddy Roosevelt statue (resembling Robin Williams) tucked away in a corner.

Sunday, headed to an island just off the harbor of Kaohsiung. The weather was warm, and the tourists were flocking. Walked up the mountain to the lighthouse and the remnants of a fort where we were warned against “Striding” then contemplated swimming at the beach, but couldn’t bring ourselves to take off our shoes on the littered beach, let alone swim in the black water.

Got a frozen banana for lunch, sat down to enjoy the Vietnamese Irish coffee only to be kicked off of the chairs to make room for a parade. Was more interested in the people bowing before the procession and police pulling them back, rather than the actual parade. Spent the rest of the evening enjoying downtown Kaoshiung. Caught the very late train back to Changhua and then a taxi to Hemei.

Taiwan Culture

When you type “living in Taiwan” into the search bar, you are going to get a lot of info on why you should live here. The list usually includes the cost of living, the scenery, how nice the people are, how easy it is to find jobs (for Westerners that is), the weather is great, the girls are great, the food is an interesting, and you get to experience Taiwanese culture.

People are right, the cost of living is quite nice here. Even in Taipei, you can afford an apartment, metro fees, and eating out at street vendors every meal with money left over for travel, clothing, or fun. It’s also true in rural Taiwan, because there is no place to have fun. There are no coffee shops to sit and drink coffee and there aren’t any bars to enjoy a beer after work. There are very little movie theatres and nice restaurants. But you find you spend all of your money on getting somewhere that has more things to do. Also “normal” items, like coffee (even ground coffee), decent cookies, beer (even local), wine, 100% juice (instead of 90% syrup), and tampons are quite a chunk of your salary comparatively.

The scenery is nice, if you live near the mountains or travel to the mountains often. Taiwanese value their green, jungle-like national parks, but really only national parks. You will not find a valued city park in rural areas. Instead you’ll find a bit of green over grown area and a pagoda that is occupied by homeless people, construction workers trying to take a break from the heat, or older couples trying to find a quiet space to get a quickie in (Matt found that one out the hard way-iiicccckkkk). Many small towns haven’t found the value of trees. Nor can I say that any of the towns or cities are pretty, they all look the same—they hired one city architect

People are the same as anywhere else in terms of kindness. I’ve met some very kind, helpful people and I have met some terribly rude people too. If I hadn’t met co-teachers and a select few other people, I would have assumed that most of the residents of central Taiwan were animal-abusing, led-foot, creepy people.

Jobs are easily found in the ESL sector. Some schools will even hire if you have no experience or TEFL certificate, though parents will be concerned and pull out their children, meaning you’ll get fired for loosing clients. Stated from previous blogs, you’ll notice that the hours (unless you get a public school job) are not so great, especially living in a rural area. You’ll eat 7-Eleven a lot, which is expensive.

I cannot comment on the girls, but Matt finds the giant contacts and fake eye-lashes a bit creepy. Says he is reminded of the X Files with the murdering doll. It reminds me of the creepy dolls on Dr. Who. I’m just saying, that the girls will be a lot prettier showing their natural beauty, but not so much that I can see butt cheeks, please.

I’ve commented on the food before, I am sure. MSG, soybean oil, boiled lettuce, no fresh veg because of dangerous and heavy pesticides (which I’m glad because I don’t want to find maggots in my food). I am tired of the taste of soybean oil though! Not to mention, the smell of sticky tofu (think rotting garbage). I mean, even Zimmerman can only stomach some recipes of it.

What sites don’t tell you about experiencing Taiwan culture, is that you cannot escape it. I know, I know, that is why you go somewhere, right? But when you go to some places, it is little Westlandia in your apartment, usually the only signs of living in a foreign country are the TV channels and the strange writing in your fridge. However, no matter how western your apartment may be, it will always be Taiwanese.

Sure, you can handle the Taiwanese layout of the shower being right at the bathroom door, or the washer being in the bathroom or on the balcony. Perhaps you can get used to the fact that you don’t have a kitchen and your fridge is full of used take out containers instead of produce because food attracts cockroaches and flies and you are only home once a week in time to throw the garbage onto the passing truck. However, I cannot get used to the sewage and exhaust smell that wafts through the apartment, or mold that grows because dehumidifiers are too expensive and heavy, or the greasy dirt that seems to find its way in.

Nor can I get over the sleepless nights and mornings because Taiwanese culture is so wonderfully traditional, that they have fireworks and ceremonies for every little thing at every hour. So if you want the complete immersion experience, Taiwan is the place for you.

The Long Awaited Hong Kong Post

Arrived in Hong Kong in the early morning and took the bus to the Tsim Sha Tsui district of Hong Kong. We got off at our stop and wandered around looking for the Chung King Mansion, which we thought to be a giant, derelict building by guest descriptions. After going in a circle, we started looking at signs instead of buildings, and found that the mansion wasn’t really that bad of a building (at least by Taiwanese standards). About the only correct guest description was concerning the queue to get on the elevator at night.

We entered the main area, full of money changers, peddlers, and so forth, feeling slightly uneasy to be around so many nationalities after only seeing Chinese/Taiwanese people for several months, and headed up to our amazingly clean hostel. We dropped our bags off and went in search of coffee, found a speedo sale, and the Kowloon Park behind the mosque. We wandered the quiet Temple Street (a market area, not a temple area) and all the way to Kowloon Pier. Totally not worth the long walk because of the construction and lack of activities to do once at the peir. My ankle and the heat began to bother me. We sat and watched tourists before heading back to the train station, to be told that we were no longer in Hong Kong, which confused us until we realized they meant the island. After resting, we found some dinner at a Turkish restaurant run by Pakistanis. Then we wandered to the waterfront for some nice night shots of the harbor lights.

The casinos especially look better at night.

We woke up later than expected the next day. We headed to Starbucks and to the MTR to the last stop on the blue line on Hong Kong island. We were disappointed by the long line to board the ferry to Macau, but we did it anyway. It was a great idea! We mistakenly got off the bus in the north of Macau, but it allowed us to see the less touristy areas and reach St. Paul’s ruins at dusk. Night time is the best way to see Macau, the lanterns add a nice touch to the beautiful Portuguese architecture and hide the derelict modern South East Asian buildings. We ate some Macanese food (soup and tea for me as my cold was starting to make itself known) and then got on the ferry at eleven.

Wednesday we headed for the peak in Hong Kong, but the line for the tram wound around the block twice, so we decided to explore Hong Kong instead. We spent several hours in the aviary and surrounding area of Hong Kong Park before settling on more McDonalds for lunch. We met up with a friend from Korea, now teaching in Hong Kong. From Time Square (a fancy mall, not an actual square), we headed to Happy Valley Horse Races. We bet on a few horses and enjoyed catching up.

Thursday I woke up with green liquid pouring from my nose and eyes. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t see. I was miserable.  However, we got up and decided to take the tram to the peak. We paid a little extra to visit the viewing platform on the peak—so not worth it. It is just as good of a view from down below, and way less crowded. On our way back we found the free zoo at Hong Kong Park as well as a pizza parlor that sold pizza by the slice. We met Tom (our friend from Korea) for dinner and had tacos just off the world’s longest covered escalator chain (how do these records get started). We called it an early night as I was feeling terrible and Matt was beginning to feel a cold coming on too.

Friday we spent in Kowloon Park, enjoying the small zoo and aviary. Mainly, I sat on a park bench in the sun and slept. Luckily, I managed to avoid having a fever as I went through the quarantine check at the airport back in Taipei. But as soon as we reached the hostel in Taipei I had a raging fever and a horrible cough. Naturally, we were sharing the room with two other people. Those poor people.

We woke up early and checked out of the hostel. We wandered to the nearest hospital, a colonial-looking building that is part of one of the universities in Taipei. After many friendly helpers, and having to check my own weight, height, blood pressure, and heart rate, I was able to see a doctor.  The doctor couldn’t really explain the green ooze from my eye and looked extremely shocked when I told him about it.

We managed to catch the train to Changhua just after my doctor’s visit and we headed back, happy to have a weekend to rest and recover from my cold. 

Finally, Taipei!

It has been nearly two weeks since arriving home from our holiday and I am just now getting around to posting something about it. You can blame laryngitis and tonsillitis and a cold (all at once) for that.

We waved our co-workers goodbye on Wednesday night, frantically packed our two surprisingly heavy backpacks, and enjoyed our night of freedom. We woke up early to head to Changhua, not wanting to accidently miss our train (those tickets were a pain to buy). Our train left Changhua at 1:30, and we were happy to have seats as we watched all the poor souls that had to stand in the isle getting hit by the service carts. Nothing exciting happened on the trip. I would to have to pee on one of the roughest parts of the track, but I managed to stagger over that squat like a champ.  Who would have thought growing up in rural Idaho would have been so beneficial to traveling abroad?

We arrived in Taipei at 3:50 PM. The city was quite dead because of the new year. The homeless people were taking advantage of the lack of police officers and nice weather to take showers in the fountain and air out their meager possessions. We escaped the smell and I immediately sent us in the wrong direction, so we turned around and went immediately in another wrong direction (again I blame Asian maps never being oriented to a consistent point). Finally Matt used his skills at philosophy and deducted the correct direction. It took us across intersections with zebra crossings that went into elevated highways or shrubs, past a hut made entirely from umbrellas (we would have taken a photo but the smell alerted us that the owner was home). Eventually, after asking many helpful people, we found our way to the Zebra Apartment and Bike Rental in Ximen District.

The owner came by and offered to move us to a private room down the street at the Leopard Garden. We accepted and followed her a few blocks to a better located hostel. This place was quite clean for Taiwan. We had our own room on the front porch. It was a tall, narrow room of three tiered bunks, which could sleep at least four, six if need-be, but considering Matt and I couldn’t stand together in the room without having to climb a level, it would have been very uncomfortably for six. 

For more photos of the hostel visit Matt's photo
page (here).

This place can sleep at least thirty people, if no one is claustrophobic as everything is either dark wood or leopard print (I mean EVERYTHING). There are no windows in any of the rooms, which are located in four “normal” bedrooms and at least three lofts. Despite it’s weird interior, the place was quite homey and the guests quite nice. We often relaxed and watched TV together.

We left our garden and headed to the market area of Ximen. It is near the university, so all of the shops are cheap clothing, accessory, make-up, and shoe stores. Also there are about six large cinemas on the street. Eating is surprisingly sparse, unless you hit the street at the right times. We passed on the stinky tofu and got ddeok boki and 7-Eleven ice cream and beer instead.

The next day we found ourselves at Starbucks drinking chestnut macchiatos and eating cinnamon rolls. We left feeling quite content and marveled at the large sidewalks and the many trash bins (the first we have seen in many months). We sunned ourselves on a bench in a Japanese memorial temple—basically a large cement foundation covered with a metal roof and some reproduced wooden structures. Then we walked around old town to a cordoned off old street, Haxi Street Market (where we fought for our right to walk), Longshan Temple (apparently New Year’s day is the busiest time to visit a temple), and to Snake Alley. Snake Alley is the oldest tourist market in the city named after snake charmers and such. Now deemed terrible because of the poor treatment of the snakes and less desirable prostitutes, it has tamed down. But you can still buy adult toys from old ladies and sample some snake meat or snake venom wine.

See, nothing around it.

From there we ate Subway and got on the metro to visit Taipei 101. It is the tallest building in Taiwan and still one of the tallest residential buildings in the world. We decided to try to go in, but it was too busy, so we got on metro and went on quest to find Mexican food. We failed and ate at a Japanese restaurant where you had to order and pay from a machine while ten waiters stand around watching. But it was cheap and the steak and pork cutlet with an endless supply of miso, white rice, and cabbage was delicious. After dinner, we ended up back in Ximen behind the Red House for drinks at one of Taiwan’s first “gay friendly” bars.

The next day we continued what would become a tradition of the trip: a pastry and coffee at Starbucks (who would have thought). As we finished our coffee we headed to a destination I got from a Chinese guidebook about a Lin Family Mansion in west Taipei. It was worth the trip and the large amount of annoying tourists. It is a compound of old architecture and a maze of gardens and ponds. It was easy to forget that a city was just outside the walls as we climbed up fake mountains and under old trees.

After spending quite a long time at the mansion, we went to Chiang Kai Shek’s memorial. It is quite huge and imposing and the heat radiated off of the pavement. We went in search of the Mexican food again, and didn’t find it. But I did manage to twist my ankle in a typical uneven pavement, of course, I was wearing boots.

We gave up on the dream of edible food and went into a 7-Eleven for a hot dog. Because of miss-communication, Matt was told to put one hot dog bun in the microwave for the wrong setting. As Matt was asking me what I wanted on my hot dog, smoke came billowing out behind him and the store was in chaos. I sat there like an idiot as the owner shooed Matt away from the flaming bun and everyone stood dumbfounded. The owner took over preparing our hot dogs and even made sure we could put the condiments on it properly. Worth every embarrassing moment.

We tried the 101 again, but the line was even longer, so back to Ximen and the hunt for real food. We settled on Bimbibap. Not quite my definition of real food. We washed it down with Cold Stone and a beer behind the Red House.

On our last day in Taipei, the line at the 101 was shorter, so we braved it. The queue to buy the ticket moved fast, but the line to get up to the tower was forty minutes long, thanks to two tiny elevators (though those elevators are the fastest in the world). We entertained ourselves in line with a tourist photo and complaining about how terrible life in rural Taiwan is.   

 

The view from the 101

We jumped out of the crammed elevator and rushed to claim a spot at the window for the specular view. The problem with the world’s tallest buildings is that you are above the clouds, making the view not worth the money. We stayed up, wandering around the observation deck, the world’s highest (and ugliest) jewelry store, and learning about all four wind damper mascots trying to get our money’s worth. It was a miserable time, as the quick change in elevation alerted me to the start of a cold.  To add insult to injury, we had to wait nearly another forty minutes to go down.

My ankle and head were killing me, so we found an out of the way area between shopping malls to enjoy some coffee. When I finally felt rested enough, we headed back to Ximen where we watched TV until nine PM, when we caught the bus to the airport. We had five hours to wait until check in. Luckily, the food court was left open (sort of) for sleepers. We snagged a stuffed bench and spent the night, freezing. It would have been miserable if it wasn’t for the various people sleeping squished between the benches and the table in order to block out the light, or the group of forty or so Chinese tourists who ran for the bathroom in a large herd and blocked the bathroom in order to take group photos.

Happy New Year!

Happy late holidays! They have come and gone in a flash.  Before I knew it, I was tossing out all of the crinkled holiday song papers. We were pushed to teach the children all about Santa and Christmas, teaching them thirty special words on top of their normal vocabulary words, plus songs and stories. We were to perform them during Christmas, first at local businesses, and then just in the lobby, but it never happened. Surprise, surprise. The students of course were very disappointed to find out that they had not received anything from Santa. I felt like a missionary.

Some students did receive Christmas cards from Santa. The ones from Germany were actually written in English, the cards from Norway weren’t. All of the cards were very generic, except for a couple of post scripts on the cards from Canada which answered various strange questions the children had asked Santa.

Before Christmas, we had a school dinner. Matt was too ill to attend, so I went with Jenny. We all sat, making awkward conversation until the food arrived. We ate at a restaurant that has become famous in Taiwan. Apparently, it is all cooked somewhere else, packaged, and then delivered to the restaurant to be heated up upon ordering, much like airplane food, and it tastes similar too. Apparently, this is so you can get the feel of a nice cooked-to-order restaurant without the wait, sure.

 The conversation kind of picked up after dinner, mostly with news about my co-worker’s upcoming wedding in Bali before Chinese New Year. Apparently, Chinese New Year is THE season to get married in Taiwan. The saying goes, it is warmer with two in a bed than one. To which I stuck my foot in my mouth and replied that it would be cheaper to buy a heater… dead silence until the boss got it. I don’t think the co-worker has forgiven me yet. We opened presents from our revealed secret Santas. Jenny was my secret Santa, so I got nail polish. Matt got a scarf from his secret Santa. My co-worker forgot to buy the boss something, so he sat alone, giftless.

The next day, the girls took me out to eat hot pot. It was a fun day, where little bits of gossip were translated into English now and again so I could “understand” what they were talking about. But it was fun and I got a free meal as well as some more gifts.

Matt and I treated ourselves to the new Hobbit movie in 3D where we missed the first few minutes because of people coming in to the theatre late, cellophane wrapped popcorn, and just people having to chit chat about whatever. The cellophane and cell phones continued throughout the movie, much to my annoyance, so I went to the bathroom and stomped my heels down each step (we were at the top of the theatre) and I made as much noise going back to my seat. Not that it really mattered, because everyone was reading the subtitles anyway and laughing at the gruesome beheadings.

I was surprised to find out that we had a day off on New Year’s Day. Thankfully, I found out New Year’s Eve as I was leaving work. Matt and I spent our day off wandering around Taichung. We ate Mexican food and Matt played Time Crisis, while I watched. I played a terrible game of air hockey, but how good can you be when there are four pucks coming at you at once? We topped off the New Year with a buy one, get one Cold Stone—talk about calorie overload!  

Spent Saturday with the boss. He wanted to make up for Matt missing the “feast” so he made a “register” at a restaurant in the middle of nowhere, Nantou County. We wound along tiny raised county roads to this European-style house that had been turned into a restaurant. The walls were bare concrete inside, but artwork lined the walls, and a baby grand sat in the corner. The food was Taiwanese, but it wasn’t so bad. After eating, the boss took us to a local craft park, which was just a gallery of expensive rocks painted like cats, pottery, woven grass figurines, and blue- dyed clothing.

People have been commenting on how wet Taipei is at the moment. I cannot even imagine! This place is so damp! A backpack hasn’t been moved in two days and it is completely covered in mold! Shoes become moldy in two days, tops become smelly very quickly. I don’t know how people live like this!